I hate air travel and more scared than I would like to admit. It’s a bit ironic since I love to travel to far away places and explore different cultures and food.
But my recent watchlist on Youtube is all Air-crash Investigations. My wife on the other hand hates me watching them. She would often ask, “Why do you watch this stuff? Wouldn’t it make you even scared?”.
While the question seemed logical, weirdly enough watching these documentaries did not increase my fear of flying. Rather the opposite.
One possible reason I found out was that in every documentary, the aftermath is always positive for the safety of commercial aviation. After every incident, a thorough investigation is done to get through to the root of the issue and steps are taken to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
And in most cases the actions were successful and future safety incidents with the same reasons are minimal.
So for me, watching these videos are more like, “Alright, one more reason why this wouldn’t happen again”. it also gives me an understanding of the physics behind the structure and a sense of preparedness when flying.
But either way, the paradox was interesting.
How can watching something so graphic and distressing not make the phobia worse but help in it. It felt like a form of channeling energy positively after going through the negative effects.
Incidentally I came across the psychology behind it in Adam Grant’s book “Originals”. He discusses the findings of psychologist Julie Norem about two cognitive strategies that our mind utilize when faced with challenges.
One strategy is Strategic Optimism. It involves setting high expectations, expecting success, and avoiding worry or negative reflections about an upcoming performance.
Conversely Defensive Pessimists expect the worse, feeling anxious and imagining all the things that could go wrong.
Surprisingly in her study, she found that Defensive Pessimists, who are more anxious and less confident in analytical, verbal and creative tasks, fared just as well as the Strategic Optimist in challenging tasks.
On further exploration, she found that when self-doubts creep in, defensive pessimists don’t allow themselves to be crippled by fear.
They deliberately imagine a disaster scenario to intensify their anxiety and convert it into motivation.
Once they’ve considered the worst, they’re driven to avoid it, considering every relevant detail to make sure they don’t crash, which enables to feel a sense of control.
Their confidence springs not from ignorance or delusions about the difficulties ahead, but from realistic appraisal of the issue in hand and an exhaustive plan.
In fact, she says that if you want to sabotage the performance of a chronic defensive pessimists, just make them calm and happy.
An instance where defensive pessimism can be hazardous is when we are not committed to a particular action. In my case, the love to travel to far away places makes the challenge of sitting in a hollow tube 30,000 ft above ground a necessary challenge. But without it, there is no bright side to look at. Envisioning dismal failure will only trigger anxiety, triggering our stop system and slamming our brakes.
The same strategy can be applied in our personal lives too, especially when fear shows up in the face of challenges.
If you’re preparing for a job interview, instead of forcing yourself to only “think positive,” spend a few minutes imagining the tough questions you might stumble on. Once you’ve pictured the worst, you’ll likely over-prepare, reach peak anxiety and can ride on it.
If you’re considering starting a business, list all the things that could go wrong. Rather than stopping you, that list can become your checklist of safeguards. You’ll move with more confidence, not because you’ve silenced the doubts, but because you’ve listened to them and built a plan around them.
The next time fear shows up, don’t waste energy trying to silence it. Invite it in, put it to work, and let it sharpen your focus. What feels like your greatest weakness might just be the strongest weapon you carry.
